Which Tea are You? If Zodiac Signs Were Tea

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Deny it as much as you want, but deep down we all know there’s some eerie, undefinable connection between our personalities and our astrological signs.

You don’t have to be a diehard believer, have your chart memorized or know your partner’s moon sign in order to get a kick out of your horoscope. But you do have to have a little trust in the universe’s mysterious, mystical ways.

As someone once told us, “Think of zodiac sings as a guideline to people’s personalities, not the whole truth.” With that thought in mind, we present to you, the tea equivalent of your zodiac sign.

Still skeptical? Scroll down to see just how much about you is written in the stars.

Capricorn

Tea: Matcha Matsu

Traits: Wise, dependable, disciplined, generous and pretentious

The hostess (or host) with the mostess, the generous Capricorn will invite you over, make the most delicious treats (our Superfudge Candy Cane Crush Brownies comes to mind) and offer you a perfectly whisked cup of Matcha Matsu to wash it down. The ceremonial history of the tea speaks to the disciplined Capricorn’s love of principles. Add to that the fact that matcha has a cult following and you’ve got the perfect tea for our loveable, pretentious pals.

Aquarius

Tea: Organic Nepal Black

Traits: Visionary, independent, eccentric, idealist and charitable

When your glass is half-empty, Aquarius will tell you it’s half-full. Charitable, idealistic and often the most optimistic person in the room, they’re the person to turn to when you’re in dire need of a pep talk. Nepal Black might not sound like the most eccentric or out-of-the-ordinary tea, but it has other qualities. The tea garden of Nepal Black has created a number of community programs that benefit local schools, underprivileged families and the elderly. Rich, sweet and with hints of honey, it’s the ideal brew for those who believe in real change.

Pisces

Tea: Sheng Pu’erh

Traits: Perceptive, creative, emotional and indecisive

Best known for crying when no one’s watching and zoning out while you tell them your inner most secrets, Pisces can be a funny fish. Emotional, creative and yet indecisive, there’s nothing they like more than daydreaming about how things could be better. Just like our perceptive but moody Pieces, Sheng Pu’erh is sensitive. There’s a good chance no two cups will brew the same, but given a little time and patience, the taste and flavour of the leaves will evolve – and so will Pisces.

Aries

Tea: Vanilla Orchid

Traits: Hearty, enterprising, naive, artistic and indulgent

Aries can be difficult to pin down, not because they’re hiding from the truth, but because they’re constantly on the move. Don’t be surprised to find them free climbing your building or signing up for a desert marathon for the challenge. Hearty and artistic, they have a healthy naivety, which means no, they did not think free climbing your building was creepy. But they’re happy you let them in to enjoy a little Vanilla Orchid tea. Vanilla is a comforting flavour for them, both basic and indulgent.

Taurus

Tea: Bai Hao Yin Zhen

Traits: Patient, industrious, sensual and dependable

Not sure what to get the Taurus in your life? Start with the most expensive, extravagant gift you can afford and go with that. Known as “a lover of fine things,” Taureans can spot a fake from miles away, so best to get them something thoughtful that you can hand-deliver late at night after they’ve cancelled your dinner plans. Patient and dependable, they’ll make you a cup of Bai Hao Yin Zhen, a fine white tea that was once reserved for Emperors. Diligently harvested bud by bud, this tea has a fine silver down making it the right amount of special.

Gemini

Tea: The Buzz

Traits: Energetic, clever, versatile and flexible

When we turn off our brains for the night, versatile Geminis like to reminisce about everything they did that day and second guess every action. Good thing they have boundless energy and endless charisma to mask their underlying anxiety. Quick-witted and high-energy, they’re experts at saying the right (and the wrong) thing. With spicy ginger and refreshing lemon, The Buzz has a dual personality and enough stimulating ingredients – ginseng, guarana, maté, matcha – to match a Gemini’s energy.

Cancer

Tea: Organic North African Mint

Traits: Dependable, helpful, kind, caring and affectionate

Heartbroken? Feeling blue? Caring Cancer will immediately call in sick so that they can nurse you through even the tiniest bouts of illness. Not only will they relish every second of it, they’ll make the experience so pleasant and comforting, you’ll never want it to end. (And, to be honest, neither will they.) To help you get over whatever it is, they’ll brew up some North African Mint, which is excellent for everything from sore throats to digestion and like Cancers, will soothe all your woes.

Leo

Tea: Organic Emerald Jade

Traits: Noble, loyal, warm, vain and self-satisfied

Every day is a party when you’re a Leo. Because what better way to celebrate your existence than with a party every day of the week? It could be as simple as a midday trip to the spa, or a Wednesday evening surprise party for you-know-who. Little things to remind you that, YOU ARE ALIVE! Warm and loyal, Leos never worry about being alone, mostly because they’ve been cultivating friendships since the womb. Not unlike the Leo in your life, Emerald Jade’s catchy name and loveable flavour make it a dependable and loyal tea that isn’t afraid of being the centre of attention.

Virgo

Tea: Organic Earl Grey

Traits: Courteous, practical, meticulous and a little snobby

Before you go too far and call Virgos the most boring astrological sign, let us remind you that without courteous, practical Virgos the world would be a much messier place. Literally and figuratively. Laugh all you want at their colour-coded filing systems, punctuality and meticulous closets (oh, you thought Marie Kondo invented folding?), when you need to declutter or purge, who do you call? Thank the Virgos in your life for their loyalty and constant decorum with a cup of perfectly steeped Earl Grey (it’s a classic!) served in the finest bone china.

Libra

Tea: Guangzhou Milk Oolong

Traits: Just, balanced, idealistic, aesthetic and charming

If you’re unsure about the taste level of a newly decorated room or would like an unsolicited opinion about your partner’s attractiveness, ask a Libra. Idealistic, balanced and just, they’ll give it to you straight with a healthy dose of charm. They may, for example, critique your (questionable) decorating skills over a cup or two of Guangzhou Milk Oolong tea  – the perfect balance between a flavoured and traditional tea – it’s so charming you almost won’t hear it when they tell you the room is unlivable. Most importantly, it looks amazing in a cup.

Scorpio

Tea: Organic David’s Chai

Traits: Dedicated, magnetic, disciplined, mysterious and sexy

On a scale of one to five, how dedicated are you? Take your answer, multiply it by 10 and you’re still nowhere near Scorpio’s level of total and utter dedication to any task they take on. What exactly are they working on you ask? They’ll never tell you. Like the ingredients that make David’s Chai tea extra special, Scorpios are mysterious. They’re also disciplined secret keepers who love nothing more than keeping things on the down-low just for the fun of it. Sadly, everyone will now know, just how much they love a little spice.

Sagittarius

Tea: Organic Happy Valley Darjeeling

Traits: Cheerful, honourable, enthusiastic, outspoken and contradictory

Fight or Flight? That’s the Sagittarius’ daily struggle. Cheerful and enthusiastic, they may look as though they’re enjoying your company, but (not so) deep down they’re plotting their imminent escape. The Alps, perhaps or a Yurt in Mongolia? They tried the Tulum yoga retreat thing last year but couldn’t handle the vow of silence and only lasted three days. The Darjeeling hills in India are unique and fantastic enough to do the trick. Picking tea leaves high in the mountains sounds deliriously exciting and also, delicious – giving the black tea notes of plum and apricot. Do you think they have wi-fi?

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